Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 30 September 2009

image for Swimsuit Model Kathy Ireland Booted Off Dancing With The Stars
Sports Ilustrated swimsuit model Kathy Ireland in a rare photo where she is not wearing a swimsuit.

HOLLYWOOD - Swimsuit model Kathy Ireland, who graced the glossy pages of Sports Illustrated's Annual Swimsuit Issue for 13 years in a row has been eliminated from Dancing With The Stars.

The 5 foot 10 inch Ireland's quick step was just not quick enough according to Dancing With The Stars Judge Bruno Tonioli. The Italian non-stallion said that although Ireland is easy on the eyes she is uneasy on the brain.

Host Tom Bergeron asked him to explain his comment and Tonioli simply replied that everyone knew exactly what he meant.

He then added that at least the 46-year-old ex-swimsuit model can find some satisfaction in knowing that she is still one of the prettiest looking women west of the Margorabbia River

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Tonioli got his countries mixed up and he really meant to say the Mississippi River.]

Ireland's dance partner Tony Dovolani was asked what he thought about Bruno Tonioli's remark. Tony put down his comb and said that BT, as he calls him, needs to brush up on his rivers.

He then added that he knew that Kathy was extremely stiff but that he tried everything he knew and he could not get her to do away with her stiffness.

Tony grinned and said that he did manage to get the 'Swimsuit Queen' out of her habit of saying things like, "I think I have some sand in my swimsuit bottom." "Can sharks walk on sand?" And "Sardine sandwiches again???"

Kathy was asked how it felt being the second female to be eliminated this season. [EDITOR'S NOTE: Macy "Bleep-Bleep" Gray was the first female eliminated this year.']

Ireland, put down her hairbrush and her can of deodorant spray and replied that it appears that the American voters obviously have something against tall celebrities who dance. She winked and then added, "Just saying."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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