FORT DETRICK, MD - FDA officials assured surviving citizens in the US that the spate of deaths following vaccinations were unrelated to the vaccinations.
"Just because someone dies after being vaccinated, for all we know they would have lived a shorter time had we NOT vaccinated them", Dr. Tickemsey told the group of reporters hemming him in this morning.
"Sure we put extra stuff in there, but this is a great way for us to experiment. Extra mercury is OK. Heck, look at all the mercury in your fillings for crying out loud.
"Why, I heard of a guy who was so crazy, he shot himself in the head. Next day, he was feeling great! The bullet just happened to remove the crazy part of his brain.
"Vaccines are like that."
After saying these words, Dr. Tickemsey collapsed and died with a severe case of some horrible Ebola like virus that he must have picked up in the lab. Who knows how much longer he might have lived, had he jumped off a bridge this morning! We all might have!