WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN) - The White House Office of Propaganda issued new guidelines for songs to be sung before classes begin in all schools in the US that receive Federal Education Funding.
There is only one approved song allowed to be sung. It is "Praise Obama through Whom All Good Stuff Flows."
The National Association of Liberal Teachers (NALT) immediately began teaching the song to students from Kindergarten through 12th grades.
The White House also dispensed free Obama-Pods, CD players and other audio devices that receive only one station, Big Bro O, a 24-hour program of Obama speeches, songs and subliminal advertising praising the President and his ideology.
Republican pundits stated they were "in shock," at the new approach to music education through liberal propaganda, but were quickly arrested by school children of the Obama Safety Thought Patrol.
Also distributed to all school children within the US were Obama's Little Black Book that contains such phrases as:
"Obama loves you, this you know, for the Black Book tells you so."
ABSNN obtained a copy of the "approved" Obama song. The only verse goes:
Praise Obama, our great President.
Make him the permanent White House resident.
He'll give goodies till the money's spent.
Then force the Treasury to print and print
More money for games and candy.
Obama's cool; he's really dandy.
Acorn, acorn will teach us how
To pimp our mommies, the stupid cows.
Praise Obama, our Leader every day.
Burn any folks who diss his ways.
This song is repeated over and over until the children's eyes glaze, and they respond only to the sounds of his voice played on large speakers throughout the towns and states.
"Our children learn best through recitation and constant repetition," said the President.
"Once everybody is singing from the same page, there will be no dissent, no problems and above all, I will have no enemies," he said.
ABSNN's Frankie the J asked the President who he thought he was, God.
"No, Mr. the J," he told the reporter.
"The difference between God and me is that God does not think He's Barack Obama."