PHOENIX, AR (ABSNN) with Abel Rodriguez - Former Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin, a well known wild game hunter and trapper has received funding for an expedition to Arizona to find, kill or capture a wild Chupacabra (a fierce hairy killing creature long feared by inhabitants of the US Southwest and Mexico).
Other prominent members of the expedition include former US Attorney General Janet Reno, US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, US Dipshit Jessica Simpson, all of Jessica Simpson's former boyfriends, and husbands (captives of the World's Most Dangerous Vagina), and gay guys who made her what she is today, country music sensation Taylor Swift, and TheSpoof.com's number one writer, Abel Rodriguez, who will document the expedition.
"We hope to conclude our business in time for National Breast Appreciation Day," said Palin as she cleaned her 7mm Magnum, Colt Sauer Rifle.
"I'm going along to learn from these other strong women how to grow a set of balls so that the next time that asshole Kanye West tries to take a microphone away from me I can stomp his ass like a real lady," said Swift.
"Hillary Clinton is coming along because Sarah Palin is heading up the expedition and wants to show the world she has bigger balls than Palin since she obviously has no tits to speak of," said former Attorney General Janet Reno.
Jessica Simpson is going along for reasons fathomable only to her, but did tell Rodriguez, "My daddy taught me to shoot as a young squirrel, ah girl."
Palin passed out some very grainy photographs and line drawings of the Chupacabra along with topographical and road maps of the Phoenix area. One neighborhood was circled several times in what appeared to be Candy Red Apple Revon Lip Gloss.
Rodriguez asked Ms. Palin why she believed the legendary creature would be hiding in such an exclusive area of Phoenix and she told him, "That's John McCain's house. After we shoot him, skin him, and nail his wrinkled old hide to his garage door, we'll move on to the Chupacabra. But even if we don't kill the monster, McCain's ass will still be gone."
The women and their captive men boarded their Phoenix flight from George H W Bush Airport without incident.
Actually, Taylor Swift did set off the metal detector as she passed through. The guard asked her if she was wearing an underwire bra as they often set off the metal detector.
Ms. Swift blushed and told the guard, "No, I really don't need an underwire bra yet. It is my time-locked chastity belt. My momma won't let me go out alone without it."