Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Roman Polanski

Monday, 28 September 2009

image for Roman Polanski Sitting In A Swiss Slammer
Rumors are that the Eiffel Towers days may be numbered.

ZURICH, Switzerland - Swiss authorities have arrested filmmaker Roman Polanski when he stepped of a plane in Zurich to attend a film festival.

The 76-year-old ex-California babysitter was in Switzerland to receive a lifetime achievement award.

Zurich Chief of Police Coco Bernberger said that instead Mr. Polanski (pronounced Mis-ter Pris-o-ner) will instead probably be receiving a lifetime jail sentence.

Polanski, noted for his motion picture Rosemary's Baby is reportedly very upset at the way he was unfairly tricked by the Swiss government. Word from the jailers is that he is so mad that he is even refusing to drink his morning cup of Swiss cocoa.

The director's court-appointed attorney Burgdorf Zingen asked if his client was going to be allowed bail.

Presiding Judge Ruti Schaffhausen laughed and told Mr. Zingen that he knew better. He reminded him that he was in Switzerland, and not in America and that they do not have bail, or quick and speedy trials, Disneyland, the Easter Bunny, Oprah Winfrey, or McDonald's Happy Meals.

Polanski is said to have remarked to his lawyer that he cannot stand being in jail because it smells horribly like a jail.

Attorney Burgdorf Zingen will try appealing to Judge Schaffhausen by saying that Mr. Polanski has sensitive skin and that jail air will cause him to break out in hives.

In related news. The governments of Poland and France have demanded that Mr. Polanski be released immediately. The Swiss government has refused. France has sent an email to the Swiss government stating that if they do not release Polanski immediately they risk the possibility of being invaded.

In yet other related news. President Obama has reportedly told France that if they do invade Switzerland, he will fire so many Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles into France that the The Land of Ooh La La will resemble a gigantic slice of Swiss cheese covered with French Dressing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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