Written by Austin Turnip
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Monday, 28 September 2009

image for G20 Protestor Angered to Find His Car Vandalized
What the?!

Pittsburgh, PA - A G20 protestor returning to his car from a busy day of protesting capitalism found his car with a smashed window and missing its radio.

Troy Kleagle of Portland, Oregon had driven himself and three other activists across the country in his 1994 Honda Civic to join other "anti-globalists" in protesting the G20 Summit.

Sporting a white shirt bloodied by his encounter with a Starbucks plate-glass window, Mr. Kleagle was outraged that he fell victim to crime.

"I blame the police," he said. "They really let me down. Rather than protect my car, they instead chose to dodge the bottles I was throwing at them while blocking my access to the Summit."

Mr. Kleagle was especially angered at the person who broke in to his car. "We had to borrow money from the coop's organic seed fund just to buy gas to get here. The jerk who broke into our car has no respect for the cost of repairing the damage he caused."

Asked how this might affect his attendance at future global summits, Mr. Kleagle said, "Pittsburgh has definitely made me feel unwelcome. I don't have to come all the way to Pennsylvania to vandalize Starbucks. From now on I may just do that at home."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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