WASILLA, Alaska - Ex-Governor Sarah Palin, and now just plain citizen Sarah Palin is reportedly furious at being snubbed by the producers of the reality dancing show, Dancing With The Stars.
Palin, who is currently in North Korea, is desperately trying to convince that country's leader Kim Jong Il to stop messing around with his wayward missiles before he goes and hurts somebody and ends up getting his butt kicked by the United States.
Sharah, as the North Koreans call her, said that she knows for a fact that her DWTS application went in a full two months before former Speaker of the House Tom DeLay's who was in fact chosen to be one of the dance contestants.
Mrs. Palin has an actual email that was sent to her by one of the shows producer's Bernadette Penderlicki telling her that this year they definitely wanted to get a representative from the GOP as one of the dance contestants.
Penderlicki assured Palin that the list of GOP names had been narrowed down to Senator John McCain, GOP Mouthpiece Ann Coulter, country music singer Toby Keith, former Speaker of the House Tom DeLay, and of course her.
Palin noted that she had been told by Penderlicki that McCain had been eliminated because he had refused her request to do something about his silly-looking comb-over.
She added that Toby Keith had been eliminated because he refused to wear what he called, "Them sissy-lookin' fairy elf dancing shoes."
Penderlicki said that Keith had told her that the only way he would appear in the show is that if he was allowed to wear his cowboy boots.
Penderlicki said when she heard Keith say that she almost choked on her tongue. Luckily for her the shows censor Lars Acushnet was there and he quickly ran to her, took off her blouse and bra, and was able to put put her tongue exactly back where it is supposed to be.
The award-winning producer informed "Snowflake" (Palin) as her best friend and fellow hunting buddy "Kentucky" Kevin Skinner calls her, that Ann Coulter had been eliminated from the selection because of her possible involvement in the counterfeit Mexican pinata scandal that The National Enquirer is getting ready to break any day now.
A good friend of Penderlicki's who works as a proofreader at the publication, said that it is not looking too good for the 6 foot 3 inch, 87 pound Coulter.
Undercover private investigators reportedly have video tape of a woman who looks exactly like Ann Coulter driving a U-Haul 18-wheeler on the International Bridge in Laredo, Texas.
Inside sources said that the shipment of 18,200 illegal counterfeit burro (donkey or jackass) pinatas was reportedly bound for Democratic National Headquarters in Boston, Massachusetts.
U.S. Customs Agents are not saying if the 6 foot 3 person of interest was actually Ann Coulter or not. They did release information saying that the individuals cell phone had the private phone numbers of Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Cindy McCain, and First Lady Michelle Obama.
Customs Agent Sabado Fiesta spoke on the condition that we not mention his real name in this article.
[WRITER'S NOTE: Oops...sorry Sabado, please accept my apology. I meant to substitute the name Sparky Schultz in place of your name.]
U.S. Customs Agent Sparky Schultz said that the tall as-the-dickens skinny blonde lady had a Gals of The GOP membership card. She also had in her wallet $216, a can of pepper spray, and a photo of 2008 GOP presidential nomination candidates Mike Huckabee, Ron Paul, and Mitt Romney sitting at a backyard picnic table being served hot dogs by a very tall skinny blonde lady.