INDIAN HILLS, Colorado - The NAACP, which stands for The National Association for the Advancement of Chiefs and Papooses has sent a petition to the owner of the NFL Washington Redskins demanding that he change the name of his football team.
Toby Rain-On-The-Wigwam, a half Kickapoo, half Arapaho (Kickaho?) director of the NAACP and part-time totem-pole designer used a mixed metaphor and said that the time has come for team owner Mr. Don Redsyn to step up to the plate and get with the program.
Rain-On-The-Wigwam noted that this is 2009, and not 1879, and that it is time for America to stop discriminating against the Native-Americans who were here 17 years before Columbus landed at Plymouth Rock, now known as Pontiac Pebble.
He went on to say that Indians have always been portrayed in the Hollywood movies as wearing loincloths, feather warbonnets, and moccasins.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Ah excuse me, Mr. Rain-On-The-Wigwam but isn't that precisely what Indians wear?].
Sue Buffalo-Who-Drops-Big Ones, who works closely with Toby Rain-On-The-Wigwam, and who has been rumored to be his Lakota Sioux lover, said that several years ago, the California State Department of Schools mandated through Indian War Whoop Mandate FXYZ-119, aka The Tonto, Squanto, and Sacajawea Bill, that all California schools must drop their Indian mascot nicknames.
Sue, (which is pronounced Sioux) legally changed her last name to Buffalo-Who-Drops-Big Ones from Buffalo-Who-Shits-Big Time, for the obvious reason, stated that there were over 700 middle schools and high schools in the Left Coast state that used Indian mascot nicknames.
Some of these names include Chiefs, Braves, Warriors, Indians, Redskins, Savages, Buffalo Chasers, Bison Boys, Arrowhead Makers, and The Fighting Squaws (a girl's volleyball team in La Brea).
Sue noted that out of 717 schools that were instructed to change their mascot name only one George Wallace High School in Anaheim refused.
Miss Buffalo-Who-Drops-Big Ones said that Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger in capacity as leader of the California school system legally had the school closed down. The name of the team was The George Wallace High School Scalping Savages.
Principal Vaughn Cocaquist adamantly refused to change the school's name stating that this was America and he could use whatever name he wanted to be their school mascot nickname.
Mr. Cocaquist was arrested, tried, and convicted. He is currently serving his second year of a 20 year sentence for first-degree Native American effrontery.
Meanwhile, Toby Rain-On-The-Wigwam cannot for the life of him understand how on the one hand the state of California can insist, by law, that all teams with an Indian name change it.
And yet over in the nation's capitol, Washington D.C. the NFL football team, is using a name Redskins that to every Native-American Indian is ten times more derogatory than Braves, Chiefs, or Warriors, which in essence are proud names such as Vikings, Cowboys, and Steelers.
Senator Grover Goodfellow of New Mexico, probably said it best when he said "Although it is true that we in America live in the land of the free and the home of the brave, we also live in a country where unfortunately money talks and bullshit walks."
Senator Goodfellow asked, How would non-Indian American citizens like it if the name of the Washington NFL team was not Redskins, but was Blackfaces, Brownhomies, Whitetrashers, or even Yellowbellies?