Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 23 September 2009

image for Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne's Little Girl Kelly Sizzles On Dancing With The Stars
Kelly Osbourne's mother Sharon wearing a hat that she borrowed from David Hasselhoff.

HOLLYWOOD - Kelly Osbourne, the 24-year-old daughter of rock and roller Ozzy Osbourne and America's Got Talent judge Sharon Osbourne won the Dancing With The Stars audience over as well as the three judges.

Kelly agreed to do the show after OctuMom, who was originally scheduled to do it was dropped by the shows producers.

DWTS Producer Bernadette Penderlicki said that two weeks before the shows ninth season premier, OctuMom told her that she thought she may be pregnant.

Penderlicki reminded her that she had signed a DWTS statement stating that she promised not to get pregnant as it would cause her to dropout in the middle of the competition.

OctuMom got extremely sarcastic with Penderlicki and even threatened to key her Mercedes. Another one of the DWTS producers Curtis Verflippet was called and he along with two ABC security guards escorted OctuMom out of ABC studio 15 XXF, where the shows dancers rehearse.

Penderlicki decided to call up longtime friend Sharon Osbourne and she asked her if her daughter Kelly would like to be a contestant on this years Dancing With The Stars.

Mrs. Osbourne said that Kelly was presently in rehab due to an addiction to Hostess Twinkies but that she was due to be released in two days. When Kelly was released Sharon and Ozzy drove her to the ABC studios for rehearsal.

Kelly is partnered with Louis Van Amstel from Amsterdam. Van Amstel has won The Amsterdamian Ballroom Title, The European Ballroom Title, and last year The North Korean Ballroom Title beating out Foo Voo Doo Ming who had held the title since 1973.

Kelly who is a singer, actress, fashion designer, and tattoo billboard has a total of 19 tattoos, more than any other dancer in the nine year history of Dancing With The Stars.

When asked which is her favorite tattoo of all, she smiles and says that she likes them all, but if she had to chose three, it would be one that she has on her lower back, which is a tattoo of her favorite state, Tennessee, one that is located on her left underarm which is a tattoo of her favorite food Hostess Twinkies, and the third one would be the one that she has tattooed on her right tonsil which is a tattoo of amazingly enough her left tonsil.

When asked why in the world she would get a tattoo of a tonsil on her tonsil Kelly grinned and said because the tattooist offered it to her at a 70 percent discount.

For her dance number, Kelly danced the Viennese Waltz to the old Steppenwolf song "Born To Be Wild." The three judges absolutely loved her performance. Judge Carrie Ann Anaba said that she actually had to look real close because she thought that there was no way that Kelly could dance as femininely ladylike as she did.

Judge Len Goodman said that Kelly had certainly lost her tomboy image. He also told Kelly that he noticed that her parents were crying their eyes out from happiness, joy, and the knowledge that she may soon be making enough money to be able to move out of their house after 24 years.

The Italian Judge Bruno Tonioli said that Kelly showed the world just what she can do once she decides to beat her Twinkies addiction.

Kelly's total score was a 23, and the only other dancer of the eight who scored higher than her was Frederick's of Hollywood lingerie model Joanna Krupa who danced in an exceptionally tight one piece leotard that showed everyone in the studio and at home that she is definitely a girl.

SIDENOTE: The 70's band Three Dog Night performed one of their hits "Liar." Host Tom Bergeron said that they were dedicating it to Rep. Joe Wilson of South Carolina, who is an odds on favorite to lose his next election.

The Giddy Up Poll is reporting that Tom's opponent Buzzy Wigglemaker as of Sept. 22, had 98 percent of the vote compared to Wilson who had 1 percent, with 1 percent saying that they do not like either candidate. An interesting point about Wigglemaker is that he just got out of prison five weeks ago. He had served eight years of a nine year sentence for bank robbery.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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