Washington, D.C. - In a new unveiling to coincide with his "media blitz," President Barack Obama revealed an amendment to the Baucus bill that may increase bipartisan support for the bill while still offering a public-run alternative to private insurance companies.
The amendment refers to what liberals are calling "health camps." These camps, established and run by the government, would be places to gather those who are considered "sick" and place them in a center for intense rehabilitation. Already, train lines are being built so that the nation's ill may be more efficiently transferred to the new facilities.
These proposed concentrated camps of the sick would have many features not offered by traditional hospitals and not covered by private insurance. Radical, experimental medical "procedures" would be made readily available as a means of attaining a final solution to a patient's problem, while also furthering the canon of medical knowledge for the doctors. The camps would also feature ample opportunity for physical activity outdoors, very condensed sleeping quarters to allow patrons to more closely interact with one another, and even luxurious "day-spas." These spas would let clients relax in an enclosed, private environment and breathe in the therapeutic mists which aromatically pervade the room. All of this to be enjoyed wearing nothing but a towel and with mud on your face.
"It's a gas," said Obama of the spa facilities.