In a diabolically clever scheme to sell more anti-depressants by filming depressing commercials, big Pharma has managed to buy almost all the grey clothing available in a 50 mile radius of Studio City, CA where the most successful and depressing of the commercials are filmed.
Area retailers enthusiastically agree with their spokesperson who stated: "There is not a grey sweater left in anybody's stock. These are boom times for us....we usually can't unload those suckers."
Notwithstanding retailers' glee, ordinary viewers of these monochromatically lonely spots have, as hoped, identified with the actors. Well-paid to look miserable, off camera they describe their joy at their pay scale before professionalism asserts itself and they slow their movements to reflect deep gloom. Not for them the products they hawk.
So successful has this campaign been that other-wise intelligent people find themselves ignoring the horrific side-effects, swiftly outlined to avoid depressing the vulnerable. After all, a spokesperson revealed to this reporter,"We can't risk our market losing the will to demand prescriptions."
As planned for and hoped, people are besieging their doctors' offices with requests for these drugs to alleviate their newly developed depression. In a disappointing and imperfect world the campaign is as close to perfect as one can achieve; a gloriously sealed, self-renewing marketing cycle.
"It is sheer genius in marketing," our informant enthused. "Sheer beautiful genius.".