Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 22 September 2009

image for Jessica Simpson Offers Ex-Boyfriend Tony Romo Lots of Money To Take Her Back
Jessica Simpson wearing the patriotic windbreaker that Tony bought her for Labor Day (Note: The protruding pencil eraser).

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Singer Jessica Simpson, still depressed about the dognapping of her dog by the California Chupacabra has reportedly called up ex-boyfriend Tony Romo and told him that she will give him a blank check if he takes her back.

Tony still depressed from the Dallas Cowboys 33-31 last second loss to The New York Giants in the brand new $1.2 billion Cowboy Stadium says that she has to move on because it is over and besides he has already told all of his friends, teammates, family, and new blonde girlfriend that he dumped her.

A close friend of Jessica's, Monica Letty Limbaugh (no relation to Rush) stated that Jess still sleeps in the Dallas Cowboys football helmet that Tony gave her last Christmas.

Limbaugh said that only recently has she finally managed to convince Jess to not sleep in the football cleats and the football pants cup that Tony also gave her for Christmas.

She said that it is really sad to see how devastated Simpson is over the breakup. She said that she has seen her after her breakups with Nich Lachey, Dane Cook, John Mayer, and Bill Maher, but she has never seen her as messed up as she is over her breakup with Tony Romo.

A few days ago Limbaugh decided to try to get Jessica to take her mind off of Tony by suggesting that they bake some cookies. When the cookies came out, Jessica started crying because she said that the cookies looked just like little footballs.

Limbaugh said that she told Jess that they did not look like footballs because they were perfectly round like basketballs and baseballs.

She said that Jessica remarked that to her they looked exactly like NFL regulation footballs, except without the laces and the name NFL Regulation Football on the side.

Jessica is very desperate to get Tony back. She has told him that besides giving him a blank check she has also offered to buy him a brand new 2009 Lamborghini, a $10,000 sensuround stereo system, and a beach house in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

SIDENOTE: Monica Limbaugh remarked that after the Cowboys - Giants game, Jessica called Tony and told him that she wanted to have his baby. Tony told her that he did not have a baby and to quit calling him because he has to concentrate on not throwing anymore damn interceptions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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