NEW YORK CITY - The president of the United States Barack Obama was in the Big Apple to appear on a live telecast on CNN, the network that he says has 20 times more nicer 'peeps' than the Fox Network does.
The president was discussing the origins of the Swine Flu.
I asked him if he felt, as Lou Dobbs does, that the Swine Flu had originated in Mexico. The president answered no and added that it was just a rumor that had been started by that GOP-loving network that begins with an F ends with an N and has a big fat zero in the middle.
I said that Lou Dobbs works for CNN and not Fox. The president said that "you sure could have fooled him".
I then asked him where he believed the swine flu came from. The president did not miss a beat and told him that it came from swine what else.
Obama then informed me that as President of the United States he has top notch access to tons and tons of classified information that no one else in the world, not even Larry King, has.
He said that, for example, the Wine Flu originated in Gallipoli, Italy, the Vine Flu originated in Kampala, Uganda, and the Sunshine Flu originated in Miami, Florida.
The president was then asked if he felt that the U.S. would be able to deal with the far-reaching effects of the Swine Flu. President Obama leaned forward in his chair and remarked, "Does a bear hibernate in the woods?"
"Yes, Mr. President, I believe that he does."
"That's exactly my point."
The president went on to say that the key to the Swine Flu is understanding that it does not do any good for the average citizen to try and put the blame on some specific country.
The president said, it didn't come from Mexico, or Costa Rica, or even Scotland. It did not originate in Peru, or Holland, or even Thailand.
The president took a drink from his glass of Tang and said, "I'll tell you where it came from. The damn sumbitch Swine Flu came from Venezuela."
I was stunned. The president noticed my stunnedness and stated that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, known as Hu-Ch (rhymes with pooch) had personally put germ pieces of the crapola Swine Flu in barrels of oil that he sold to the Charro Oil Company (COC) based in Port Sulphur, Louisiana.
He added that as for putting the blame on a particular person, the president said that he knows exactly who that person is. He pointed out that he has been given surveillance video tape of a Charro Oil Gasoline Station in Bay St. Louis Mississippi.
He went on to say that the video tape clearly shows a heavyset woman wearing a New Orleans Saints football jersey and pink shorts two sizes too small pumping gas into her 2003 yellow Ford Focus.
The woman who is wearing flip flops is then shown accidentally spilling some drops of gasoline on her feet.
I asked the president if he knew the woman's name. The president replied that of course he knew the woman's name, he is after all the president of the United States.
I asked him for her name. The president laughed and said that he could not just come out and give him the woman's name just like that because of legal reasons as well as a matter of ethics.
He then said that what he could do, and that it was perfectly within his presidential rights was to give him three names and let him go and figure it out for himself.
I told him that, that would be fine.
The president then took out a little black book and read out three names; Lani Quadrille, Sarah Sue Manteletta, and Keynesha Susskind.
The president then told me that he had time for just one more question. I asked him about his daughters and when they would be getting their Swine Flu shots.
The president said that his wife had told him that Sasha would be getting hers on Thursday and Jennifer would be getting hers on Friday.
I said "Jennifer?" And the president said, "Oops my bad, I meant to say Malia."
In other news. Actor Mel Gibson was stopped in San Francisco on suspicion of driving while under the influence. The officer who stopped him stated that he believed that Mr. Gibson smelled highly of what he called a performance enhancing beer. An on-the-spot breathalyzer test showed that Mr. Gibson did not have performance enhancing beer on his breath, and what he did have was simply bad breath.