Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 21 September 2009

image for The New Kanye West Talking Action Figure Doll Hits The Stores
This is a photo of a nude Kanye West Talking Action Figure Doll. This is the white version which is being sold in Iceland.

NEW YORK CITY - The Hasbroken Toy Company's brand new Kanye West Talking Action Figure Doll is flying off the department store shelves faster than you can say "Taylor I'm gonna let you finish but."

The very life-like doll stands a full two feet tall, which is just a little bit shorter than the real Kanye West. It like the real Kanye is dressed in punk-looking clothes, dark sunglasses, and is noticeably black in color.

Hasbroken Toy CEO Melissa Fellifoster, who is 42, but looks 32, said that almost 90 percent of the sales have been in; Harlem, Detroit, Atlanta, and Watts (California).

She did say, somewhat disappointingly, that not one single Kanye West Talking Action Figure Doll has been sold in Beverly Hills, Las Vegas, or Anchorage, Alaska.

Ms. Fellifoster said that the K-Doll, as Malia and Sasha Obama call it, says six different things "Yo Taylor let me have that effen mic now beeach!" "Hey Taylor, Beyonce's got bigger ones that you got." "I'm just saying, that I'm just saying." "Okay, y'all, now who the hell took my wine bottle." "I gots ten times more talent than Snoop Dogg." and "Pay attention my peeps, next I be taking Miley Cyrus's mic away."

Fellifoster said that the National Toy Overseers Organization who oversee the marketing and selling of toys stated that they were not pleased with the Kanye West Talking Action Figure Doll because it mentions the word wine in the fourth word phrase.

The Hasbroken Toy Company has agreed to drop the word wine from the production of future K-Dolls and to replace the word wine with the more politically correct and socially acceptable word beer.

The U.S. Doll Coalition which works as a field testing forum for brand new dolls stated that it found several objectionable qualities with the K-Doll.

U.S. Doll Coalition Head of Directions Heidi Santa Susana, 51, said that the present doll has been vastly toned down from the original one.

She went on to say, off the record, that the first version of the Kanye West Talking Action Figure Doll was one potty-mouthed, hatefully sarcastic son-of-a-bitch talking action figure doll.

She said that the K-Doll was electronically programmed to go up to another doll, such as Barbie, and proceed to call her every curse word in the book, from A-hole to zebra butt.

It had also been programmed to say such whining phrases as "Everybody picks on me just cause I be black." "People got all upset and pissed off with me taking the mic away from Taylor cause I be black, if Toby Keith had taken it away from her nobody would have said sh*t."

And "I have about $9 million, but if I wasn't black. I knows for shor that I would haves me abouts $10 million."

SIDENOTE: The Kanye West Talking Action Figure Doll has been completely banned in Pennsylvania, Taylor Swift's home state. An emergency state ordinance was enacted within 24 hours of the MTV Video Music Award broadcast. This ordinance states that if a resident of Pennsylvania is caught in the possession of a Kanye West Talking Action Figure Doll, for whatever reason, he or she will be fined $5,000 and will be required to do 200 hours of community service work.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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