Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 19 September 2009

image for Chicago Bank Forecloses On Al Capone's Hideaway
A photo of the one millionth bottle that was produced by Al's Illegal Bootleg Booze Brewery and Distillery.

CHICAGO - The Lake Michigan Farmer's State Bank of Chicago has just announced that they have had to repossess the 407-acre hideaway complex of 1920's gangster Al Capone.

The property which is valued at $2.6 million includes a two-story 20,000 square foot house that has eight bedrooms and fifteen bathrooms. [EDITOR'S NOTE: Tough guy Al Capone was a confirmed bedwetter.]

Also located on the property is a 37-acre lake, which was used to provide the water for Capone's whiskey company named Al's Illegal Bootleg Booze Brewery and Distillery.

The motto of Capone's brewery and distillery was "Hey, you drinka dis!" In 1929, his company sold over 3 billion barrels of his whiskey, which if laid end to end would extend one hell of long, damn ass distance that's for damn sure.

Al Capone was arrested in 1932. He was tried, convicted and sentenced to 11 years in prison. Capone was not convicted for bootlegging, racketeering, extortion, or money laundering.

Al Capone, the most infamously notorious of all prohibition era gangsters, was convicted for tearing off the pillow label that reads "Under penalty of law, do not remove this tag."

Undercover FBI agents had found a pillow tag in one of his trash cans. They sent the pillow tag to Washington D.C. to be analyzed and it was discovered that the fingerprints found on the pillow tag matched those of Al Capone.

Capone was arrested and sentenced to 11 years in Alcatraz Federal Prison. After his release he sold his 407 acre hideaway complex and moved into a small 50-foot trailer house.

He said that he wanted to keep a low profile. The man who had once run Chicago's biggest and most notorious crime syndicate and made millions of dollars a month, was not delegated to cutting out '50 Cents Off Coupons' from the Sunday paper.

SIDENOTE: Al Capone's lone child, Angelo Adolf Capone legally changed his name to avoid the obvious negative overtures that were associated with the name Capone. On March, 13, 1935. Angelo Felix Capone legally became Angelo Adolf Hitler.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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