Written by Madame Bitters
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Saturday, 19 September 2009

image for Serial Killer, "Murderous Monsignor" Sashays Out of the Confessional!
One of the Murderous Monsignor's many tools of torture

West 'By God' Virginia: The citizens of Hawkhole Hollow, WV can now rest a bit easier now that the serial killer- known as the Murderous Monsignor- has been captured and is safely behind bars.

Frankie Thej, 63 (but insists he's 35) has been charged with the murders of 27 women, ages 24 to 96.

Frankie Thej worked at The Mayonaise Clinic, a hospital for horribly obese fat fuckers, where he operated the forklift.

However, when Thej wasn't using his forklift to haul fatties around, he had a sideline as a member of the Catholic Church.

Monsignor Fr. Francios Dubois, S.J., as he was known to his parishoners at Our Father of Altar Boys, took confessions from the town's ladies everyday in a wooden outhouse that he converted into a confession booth.

When these unfortunate women entered the booth to confess their sins, the penance was always the same.

A makeover. Hair, nails, make-up. The 'works'. If the woman confessing called 'bullshit' on his game (as they usually did) he'd tie them down.

According to Thej, all of the women liked the results; that they looked younger and well rested. Then Frankie Thej beat them to death with their own handbags.

When Frankie Thej was asked why he savagely murdered these women he wailed, "Because they were prettier than me, goddamnit!"

When Frankie Thej was arrested he was dressed in his Monsignor robes- which concealed a glittery bright pink tube top and matching hot pants underneath.

Then he asked the arresting officer to, "tell me I'm a pretty girl and then comb my hair".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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