Written by Wire Piddle
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Friday, 18 September 2009

image for Baltimore Water Main Break Sparks Spontaneous Baptisms

Baltimore, Md - A major water main break in Baltimore causing the release of tens of thousands of gallons of water has sparked a fury of baptisms at the sight of the break.

Holy Brood Baptist Church pastor, Leroy Dwayne Johnson, has stated that hundreds of people have been lining up on the roadway adjacent to the break waiting to be baptized.

"Y'all gotta come down and see this. These people needs to be saved befo' Christ returns. I need back up," Pastor Johnson reported over the phone.

"They all think Christ is in that news helicopter up there and he's just waitin' for an opening. If we don't get these people baptized before the city shuts the water off, there'll be a revolt."

While several other Baptist ministers have volunteered to pick up the slack, none of them have reliable vehicles to get to the sight. Police were asked to provide transportation but all units are attending to stranded citizens.

In the meantime, several restaurant chains have responded by sending over their mascots in the hopes that a little entertainment may calm the crowd down. Many of the baptism candidates can be seen practicing making animals out of balloons.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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