Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 19 September 2009

image for Kevin Skinner And Sarah Palin Agree To Hunt Down The Chupacabra That Took Jessica Simpson's Dog
A photo of the California Chupacabra. (Photo courtesy of Jessica Simpson).

HOLLYWOOD HILLS, California - Jessica Simpson, singer, songwriter, actress, and ex-Dallas Cowboy jinx has just stated that Kevin Skinner and Sarah Palin have both agreed to her urgent request that they hunt down the Chupacabra which made off with her pet dog Daisy.

Simpson said that when Kevin Skinner, the Kentucky chicken catcher and winner of America's Got Talent's $1 million first prize, heard about her dog being dognapped he immediately called her.

He quickly agreed to help her find the dreaded, horrible-looking creature which dognapped her precious little canine.

Simpson knowing about Skinner's chicken catching prowess as well as Sarah Palin's big game hunting expertise is fully confident that the hunting team of Skinner and Palin will find and reunite her with her precious Daisy.

Kevin informed Jessica that the operational mechanics involved in catching a chicken and a Chupacabra are really quite similar in nature. Both activities involve ropes, nets, chains, about a gallon of Chupacabra Poison, (available at most Home Depots), and a Louisville Slugger baseball bat.

Skinner gave Jessica his word that he and "Shotgun" Sarah as Michelle Obama calls Palin, will find the Chupacabra,.

He stressed that he will then personally deliver the tied up butt-ugly varmint to the lovely, talented, and well-endowed Simpson, at which time he will then instruct the fine-looking blonde to take the Louisville Slugger baseball bat and proceed to knock the ever-livin' daylights and nightlights as well, out of the no good piece-of-shit creature which stenchingly slithered out from the grotesque groin of the putrid bowels of hell. [WRITER'S NOTE: Wow, does that have the makings of a Kodak Moment or what?]

When Kevin first suggested to Simpson that he wanted to enlist the big game hunting services of ex-Alaskan governor Sarah Palin to help him she readily agreed.

Simpson conveyed to Kevin that she was tremendously thrilled to have two of America's foremost hunters helping her to catch the infamous Chupacabra.

Sarah Palin or Snowflake, as Skinner affectionately calls her, said that she would be honored to help her good friend and soul mate Kevin Skinner in this dangerous undertaking especially since she does have a little 'free time' on her hands, what with her 'resignation' and all.

Kevin informed Jessica that the only known Cupacabra in captivity was captured a few weeks ago down in Texas just outside of San Antonio on Amos Bob Figginfacker's ranch, El Rancho Se Habla Grande Ranch. The Chupacabra Finally Caught

The obnoxiously repulsive-looking sumbitch, as Amos Bob so eloquently described it was sold to the Presidente (President) of Mexico, Nacho Winslow for an undisclosed amount of money. The Chupacabra Sold To Mexico

[WRITER'S NOTE: Larry King reportedly stated that the sale amount was in fact $105,000 U.S. ($1,392,393 pesos), Mexico].

President Winslow donated the Chupacabra to the Tampico Zoo so that all of the little kids and their abuelos (grandparents) can have a fantastic time looking at the ugly-as-hell creature which has been nicknamed "La Chupi."

The zoo's curator Poblano Lago-Amargo stated in extremely broken English "We at dee Tampico zoo witch to let all dee peoples to know dat unlike udder zoos like dee San Diego one or dee Brunx one we will allow it dat dee beesiturs to our zoo feed dee animals. We do dees because we no have too many how ju say eat...dinero, ah jes money to buys animal fewd like animal crackers and tings like dat."

SIDENOTE: President Winslow has heard about the California Chupacabra that dognapped Jessica Simpson's pet dog Daisy. He is aware that Senora Simpson has hired American hunters Kevin Skinner and Sarah Palin to capture the dreaded beast.

He has emailed Mr. Skinner and told him that if when he captures the Chupacabra, he finds out that it is a male, he would like to buy it. He says that he wants to mate Mexico's "La Chupi" with California's "El Chupi" so that they can make little Chupacabritos and Chupacabritas to sell on el eBay.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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