Written by DumbNews

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Thursday, 17 September 2009

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Say Ben, how's it going?

Sioux Falls (DP) - In an unanimous vote, the Senate approved a privately owned bank to takeover the Federal Reserve to manage the nation's money supply.

Obama said, "It is time to cut the friction of the middleman out and work directly with the nation's largest bank."

The takeover will strengthen the position of the hurting bank, who have hit the ground hard from the financial industry collapse. At the same time, it will enable the government to achieve cost-reduction goals by eliminating the beaurocratic and outdated Federal Reserve System.

Harry Reid, Senate majority leader said, "There is no greater way to exemplify transparency in our spending and promote free market capitalism than by joining the ranks of millions of other satisfied customers."

The bank will launch a line of elite Ruby branded credit cards targeted at members of Congress. The commander-in-chief will get his own namesake, The Presidential American Express credit card. Obama plans to take advantage of a 6-month 0% interest balance transfer promotion by transferring the $11 trillion national debt to it.

Furthermore, every dollar spent by the US government on their credit cards will earn them bonus points which can be redeemed for awards. The awards can be used to fund frivolous projects that would typically be criticized as wasteful government spending.

"Use it or lose it is how bonus points are meant to be treated.", said Becky Stewart, Director of award programs.

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