Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 17 September 2009

image for Kevin Skinner Wins $1 Million Gets Marriage Proposal From OctuMom
A photo of Kevin Skinner's girlfriend Wanda Sue Pickleworth watching The Plowing Channel.

LA HABRA, California - About ten minutes after Kevin Skinner won America's Got Talent's top prize of $1 million he got a congratulatory phone call from none other than OctuMom.

An unnamed reliable source said that Kevin and Octy had gone out on a date three weeks ago. The source said that the two were seen sitting side-by-side at a Captain Cluckity Clucks Clucks Fast-Food Chicken Shack Diner up in Pomona.

The unnamed reliable source said that she saw Octy pick up a chicken cacklenugget and feed it to Kevin who reportedly said, "Damn that shor a shootin' has gots to be you know, the best dadburn tasting cacklenugget I has ever et!"

Kevin then picked up a fried pullet pecker and tickled Octy's nose with it. The fried pullet pecker did not actually go inside her nostrils, Kevin just kinda rubbed it on the bridge of her nose.

Octy reportedly giggled and asked where the heck Kevin had learned how to do that and he replied "At work."

She then asked him where he had been all her life. Kevin replied that he had been working at catching chickens back in Mayfield, Kentucky and he thought that all of America knew that by now.

The mother of 14 smiled and replied that she did not watch TV much except for the Playboy Channel every once in a while.

Octy told Kevin that he is not only a great singer, but he has a great sense of humor and the prettiest tear ducts that she has ever seen. She smiled and asked him if he thought that she was pretty.

Kevin blushed and remarked that he thought that she was as pretty as a new born baby chick right after the mama hen has licked off all of the placenta wrappings.

Octy smiled and said that another reason she likes him so much is because he like her is a firm believer in the poultry adage that you can't count your chickens (or babies) before they hatch (or pop out).

OctuMom said that Kevy, as she affectionately calls him, is such a down-to-earth individual that when she asked him if he had an incubator he blushed, turned three shades of pink and answered that he did but that he doesn't call it an incubator, he calls it a peter.

The mother of 14 started laughing so hard she spilled her hen hip hors d'oeuvres on both their laps.

As Kevin and Octy sat at their table everyone around them could tell that they were having a good time. An elderly couple at the next table Walter and Cornice Tullahoma, 73, and 72, said that the two were acting as if they were newlyweds who had just gotten back from Las Vegas.

Cornice noted that she saw Octy reach underneath the table and grab Mr. Skinner's crotch. When Mrs. Tullahoma was asked if Skinner said anything she replied that his voice went kinda high and he said, "Hot damn!, I do believes that I have you know, kinda sorta fallen in love, and I sure could use me a beer and a damn cigarette!"

Kevin then reached over and dipped one of his capon balls into Octy's cockscomb salad. She laughed and Kevin told her that he liked her because she kind of smelled like a Rhode Island Red Hen, which he said reminded him of the very first pet he ever had which he said was a chicken that he had named Crispy.

The Kevster smiled and told her that he liked her hair and the way that it sorta kinda felt like a potato sack full of feminine Delaware Blue Hen feathers.

Octy said that, that was just about the nicest thing that a man had ever said to her. She put down her rooster lip sandwich, looked into his still tear-filled eyes and out of the blue she asked him to marry her.

Kevin's eyes got the size of leghorn eggs and he started choking on his side order of chicken yolk driblets.

He started stuttering and Octy asked if he was saying yes. He emphatically nodded his head from side to side and finally the very pronounced word 'NO!' came out.

Octy was crestfallen. She felt as if her ovaries had been cracked like an Easter egg at Easter. She started rattling off some mighty strong fowl (sic) language. Kevin did not know what to say.

Finally he just stood up and told her that she was sure real pretty and that she really had a fine pair of mighty handsome-looking droopers on her.

He then added that she truly had some shor nuff county fair drooper contest winning mammaries which he said he would be willing to bet her his prized hen-breeding rooster that a lot of fellers would just love to caress, fondle, and play 'Hey y'all look at my cool-lookin' nifty headset' with.

Octy smiled. Kevin grabbed her hand, and he carefully took the rooster lip sandwich and placed it on her plate next to the chicken cacklenuggets.

Tears welled up in his eyes. Octy asked him if he was crying. He told her that he wasn't crying and the reason his eyes had tears in them was because he was allergic to children.

Octy's mouth fell open and a piece of rooster lip fell into her cup of Diet 7 Up. Kevin fished the piece of rooster lip out of her cup with his comb and he tossed it on the floor.

He then took her hand, looked into her eyes and said that he wanted her to know that she kinda and sorta reminded him of that Aunt Jemima Jolly actress, the one with all the tattoos and adopted kids and all.

Octy perked up a little bit and asked him if he meant Angelina Jolie? Kev grinned and asked if she was that good-lookin' heifer that's married to Brad Armpitt?

Octy answered yes. And Kevin said "Well then Bingo!" He told her that he sometimes gets Aunt Jemina Jolly mixed up with Reese Witherfork and Katie Courier.

SIDENOTE: Kevin's girlfriend, Wanda Sue Pickleworth, or WaSu as he calls her, lives back in Mayfield, Kentucky. When he was asked what Wanda Sue would think about him going out with OctuMom Kevin said that she trusts him and that she don't mind him going window shopping for a new 'tractor' just as long as he keeps the one he's got since it can still plow, till, harvest, and rotate the hell out of the crops.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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