WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama today issued a statement saying that he did not call rapper Kanye West a jackass. The president said that what he did call the rappin' bro was a dumbass.
The president was quick to point out that there is a fundamental basic difference. He noted that the difference between a jackass and a dumbass is basically the same as the difference between an alligator and a crocodile.
There is a difference, and on the surface, as opposed to under the water it may not appear to be a big difference but it is.
The president noted that another example of a big difference would be sorta like the difference in Oprah Winfrey's butt and say Kirstie Alley's butt.
He admitted that both are pretty good sized whoppers and that there's no getting around that, literally, but Miss O's booty compared to Miss K's booty is like the difference between a Girl Scout cookie and a wedding cake. President Obama grinned as he laughingly commented "If you get my correlated correlation."
The president made it very clear that he didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea that he makes it a habit of going around looking at celebrity butts, but he did stress that the butt is a very important part of one's anatomy, especially when one feels the need to sit a spell.
President Obama added that the butt sure does come in handy for things like sitting, dancing, and for holding up one's underwear; panties if you're a female, and boxers or briefs if you aren't.
The president was asked for his opinion on the whole Kanye West taking the microphone out of Taylor Swift's hand controversy.
He smiled his patented Illinois smile and said that as the president he truly felt that it would not be appropriate for him to comment on a rap music-country music matter.
He stressed that since it is what it is, namely a black and white matter and therefore a potentially volatile racial subject he is positively going to steer his presidential half African-American butt far, far away from the whole enchilada.
He grinned, took a sip from his Budweiser Light and then added, "But now however, as Barack Obama, just a plain good old American boy, ah let's make that fella, I feel that Kanye West acted fundamentally like a complete and total jackass!"
SIDENOTE: Kanye West reportedly told Anderson Cooper that there is no truth whatsoever to the rumor circulating that he has received 721 emails from the KKK, two favorable and 719 unfavorable. Kanye said, "They was all unfavorable."