Written by Professor Jabo
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Topics: New York, Canada

Wednesday, 28 July 2004

image for U.S. Targets French Canadian Boats for Preemptive Strike.
Targeted French Canadian Boats and the U.S. Frog Sticker.

U.S. spy satellites have stepped up their surveillance along the US/Canada border confirming that French Canadians are massing at the US/Canadian border in preparation for a clandestine voter registration operation in northern counties of New York, Ohio and Michigan.

Multiple gatherings above are taking place in several Canadian Provinces. Organizers claim that a total of 136,000 volunteers have signed up to participate. French President Jacques Chirac has repeatedly urged French Canadians loyal to France to cross the border, register to vote in democratic precincts willing to turn a blind eye and participate in the defeat of President Bush in the coming election.

Some volunteers in the illegal voter registration operation have suggested finishing the job started in 1812 and recommended a full-scale assault on the U.S. Other participants claim that bringing the U.S. under Chirac's control with the election of Senator Kerry would be sufficient.

Vice President Cheney's office and the Defense Department have prepared a position paper on various levels of response. Preemptive strike options figure prominently under the Bush Doctrine.

Hundreds of small boats along the Canadian shores of Lake Ontario, Lake Erie and Lake Huron can be seen in satellite photos. The Department of Homeland security has targeted the initial boats to be eliminated by preemptive strike and released the photo shown above. The U.S. Navy has moved 4 nuclear powered submarines into the Great Lakes under code name "Ethan Allen" to intercept and destroy the small boats that will attempt to bring the illegal voters into the U.S. The nuclear sub, U.S. Frog Sticker, is the closest to the targeted boats and is expected to initiate action soon.

In addition, fifty thousand troops are quietly being recalled from Iraq and will quickly undergo winter combat training in Alaska. "Christmas in Ottawa" has become the battle cry.

The threat of foreign voters participating in the U.S. Presidential election, especially those under the control of French President Chirac, is of real concern to the Bush Administration. Anti-France sentiment remains high in the U.S. do to France's opposition to the U.S. war in Iraq.

Many non-French Canadians remain largely unaware or uninterested in these developments. Preparations for the upcoming hockey season are well underway in most of Canada.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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