Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 15 September 2009

image for America's Got Talent's Kevin Skinner and Lawrence Beamen Trade Chicken Jokes
Kevin Skinner's good luck chicken Mr. Capon which he secretly keeps in his hotel room.

HOLLYWOOD - America's Got Talent's two top male singers Kevin Skinner and Lawrence Beamen were back stage at the AGT finals and to pass the time before their final performances they were trading chicken jokes.

Skinner asked Beaman what chicken notions are called. He answered that he had no idea. Kevin answered feather-brained ideas.

He then asked him what you call broken eggs that come out of intelligent chickens. Wise cracks.

Lawrence asked Kevin if he liked his job as a chicken catcher. Kev said that he found it to be quiet egg-citing. He paused for a few moments and then added, "And that's no yolk."

As the two sat trading chicken jokes back and forth the shows food caterer ironically hand-delivered two chicken salad sandwiches to the two crooners.

Lawrence then told Kevin that he wondered if two chickens running straight towards each other called it playing 'people.'

The shows assistant director went back stage and told Lawrence that he was on next. As he stood up to go onstage Kevin told him to break a chicken leg.

Lawrence sang the Beyonce hit "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" And the crowd as well as the three judges loved it. Piers Morgan said that the song was sung so darn good that he did not even notice that it was a girl song.

He also said that Lawrence not only sounded like Barry White, but he also looked like him as well, and not just because he happens to be black.

David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff said that Lawrence is such a fantastic singer that if he was a black girl he would marry him.

Nick Cannon, Mariah's hubby, looked over at The Hoff and said, I don't know David, Mariah told me not to turn my back on ya.

Sharon smiled and told Nick, tell your Mrs. that she has nothing to worry about because I happen to know first hand that David is perfectly harmless.

Kevin Skinner took the stage next. He sang the old David Allan Coe rebel song "Take This Job And Shove It." Afterwards Piers asked him if he was dedicating that song to his ex-employer. Kevin smiled and said "Yes sir, I is."

Sharon asked him how his girlfriend Wanda Sue was doing back home in Mayfield, Kentucky. He remarked that he had spoken with her before the show and that she was out on the lower forty irrigating.

Sharon remarked that his gal friend was quite a hard working woman. Kev replied that she sure was and that Wanda Sue had some pretty good size calluses on her pookaroochi from sitting on the tractor for 8 hours straight.

Piers asked Kevin what he and Wanda Sue liked to do to relax. He thought about it for a while and then said, that he and Wanda Sue shared the same love for chicken catchin'.

Kevin confessed that there have been times when he and Wanda Sue could not afford to go out to the Dairy Queen so they would just spend their evenings chasing down chickens on his property and plucking the little bitches, just for the fun of it.

When asked who his top three choices were he replied that his personal favorite was Barbara Paddle (Padilla), and then him, and then Lawrence."

When he was asked what he thought about the Fab Five cloggin' sisters he replied that he has seen womenfolk do that kind of dance all his life. Kevin smiled and said that back in the hollers of Kentucky its called 'roach stompin'."

SIDENOTE: When Kevin was told that Susan Boyle, who was the runnerup in Britain's Got Talent, would be performing on the results show he blushed and said that she reminded him of his Aunt Beth. Because of her singing voice, he was asked. "No," he replied "Because she is old and kind of a little frumpish."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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