Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Wednesday, 16 September 2009

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The Vomiting Man

Washington DC-- A revolting vomiting virus is racing through the halls of the House of Representatives this afternoon. The bug only lasts 24 hours and is the common Norwalk virus, no terrorism is involved. But it is leaving in its wake dozens of embarrassed House members.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (Dem-CA) was the first person to be affected. Nancy was speaking on the House floor when she became very nauseous. She fell down on her hands and knees and started making cow noises. Suddenly, a 50-foot stream of steamy green vomit leaped from her mouth and reached across the aisle to Congressman Joe Wilson (Rep-SC).

"You lie!" said the congressman, as a gallon of thick, green vomit landed in his open mouth. The congressman ran into the Men's Room where he bumped into Congressman Larry Craig (Rep-SD). Congressman Craig had just finished a toe-tapping toilet tango. The filthy toe-dancer touched the same doorknob that Joe Wilson touched and also became infected.

Larry Craig then ran into Congressman Barney Frank (Dem-MA)in the infamous Cloak Room of the House Chambers. The brief, 30-second encounter infected Barney Frank with the projectile vomiting virus.

Barney Frank had just eaten lunch for the third time today. The fat, bilious monster had also just given oral sex to 5,000 anonymous gay men. His stomach was filled with rotting food and gallons of semen. The ugly ogre opened his fat mouth to address the House when he was hit by the vomiting bug.

Hundreds of gallons of pea-green vomit mixed with hundreds of gallons of human semen exploded from his mouth. The revolting mixture sprayed every single one of the 435 House members with the most evil-smelling liquid ever imagined. Every single House member was covered from head-to-toe.

New elections are planned for the first Tuesday in November.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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