Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Saturday, 12 September 2009

image for Ted Kennedy Reincarnated As Turd-Eating Cockroach
Caroline Chews A Crunchy Roach

High-anus-port MA-- Karma is a bitch, as the late Teddy Kennedy is finding out. The 'lion of the Senate' dropped dead just one-minute after being charged with murdering Mary Jo Kophecne in 1969. The next thing Teddy knew, he was hatching from a egg, and waking up to a nightmare. Teddy was reborn as a Flying Vietnamese Turd-Eating Cockroach!

The filthy Vietnamese roach is the most disgusting insect on Earth. It eats only fresh shit, and grows a foot long.

"I must really have the delirium tremors this time! i think I have six-legs!" said Teddy, after opening his eyes. "This is like some surreal Kafkaesque dream! This isn't what I expected! I'm a Kennedy, get me out of here!" he shouted to no one.

Teddy was still in the Kennedy Compound in High-anus-port. The filthy compound has been infested with roaches and other vermin for decades.

Suddenly, Teddy saw some fresh dog shit on the floor, and he went over to eat it. Chunks of steamy dog turds were soon filling his roach-mouth and stomach. Teddy couldn't believe how good the dog shit tasted! The Kennedy dog is named Splash.

"I could sure use a drink after that meal!" said Teddy the Roach. He flew into the liquor cabinet (which is as big as an average shopping mall) and flew down the neck of an opened whiskey bottle.

Caroline Kennedy then walked into the liquor cabinet to have a little nip. "I guess its always Happy Hour somewhere!" she laughed to herself and grabbed a bottle. Caroline is the heir-apparent to the Kennedy dynasty. She is admired by millions for staying sober--sometimes for an hour or more everyday. Her IQ is 24.

Carline was as too stupid to see the giant roach in the bottle.

"Wow, this is good whiskey!" she said and began chewing on something. "That crunchy thing was good! Crunchy whiskey, what will they think of next!" she said in a drunken slur, and began picking little roach legs out from between her teeth.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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