A hacker apparently infiltrated hundreds of school video systems across the United States Tuesday and introduced the virulent socialism virus into them. Monitors from the Fox Fruitcake Company, who discovered the hacking and disclosed it to the public, identified the hacker as Barack Obama, a president of the United States.
The virus works by redirecting schoolchildren to links to radical ideas known to be promulgated by the international socialist movement. Typical effects of the virus cited by Fox Fruitcake are leading children to think staying in school and working hard are beneficial.
A number of parents across the country pulled their children from school to prevent them from being exposed to the virus. "It's a socialist plot to undercut the free enterprise system," said one parent, I. M. Looney of Houston. "They're trying to force our kids to stay in school so they won't be able to go to work. Who's going to get the jobs at McDonald's if our kids are forced to stay in school? I'll tell you-Mexicans, that's who."
A Fox Fruitcake monitor said schoolchildren were particularly vulnerable to the virus. "They're very impressionable," the monitor said. "If they're exposed to radical socialist ideas that brainwash them, they may come to believe that slacking off isn't the way to succeed. The results would be catastrophic."
Other parents feared the virus would have even more severe long-term consequences. "It's insidious," said Watt A. Nutt of Memphis. "Once it's in the schools' video systems, it can take over the whole curriculum and start indoctrinating our kids in hard-core Communist ideas, like the world isn't flat, and 2 + 2 isn't 5."
Fox Fruitcake is working on a patch to counter the virus but warned it could take some time to develop. "In the meantime, thousands of schoolchildren are at risk of being exposed to socialist ideas," said one monitor. "We're afraid they might start working hard before schools can isolate the virus."