Washington DC - President Obomba has declared September 11 to be National Aspartame Experimentation Day. In his prepared remarks, released to the press, he stated:
"People, we need to balance the budget and cut the population of idiots way down in this country. We can't afford medical care for a lot of unemployed hamburger flippers. So it's time to find your lethal dose of aspartame. The FDA won't tell us, so I want each and every American tomorrow to try a little experiment. Make that a big experiment. Make a difference people. Help me out here.
"Eat a lot of aspartame right out-of-the-box. Keep doing this till you feel sick. Then eat that much again, really fast and wash it down with diet soda.
"If you wake up the next day, let me know how much aspartame you ate. Then, repeat the experiment the next day, and so on."
I took one look at my diet soft drink, and tossed it in the trash. I'm no idiot.