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Friday, 11 September 2009

image for Vegan Group Buys Madoff's Penthouse Apartment
"I like my new digs!"

New York NY: Bernard Madoff's luxury penthouse apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan has been sold for $10 million to an anonymous Vegan Group.

The group plans to convert the 4,000 square ft. duplex Condo located in a 12 story building (with a doorman) to the first city farm located in Manhattan since 1936. The Condo is a real estate agents dream, but the new owners plan to employ existing amenities and modify the unit to suit their own needs. One of the new residents commented "this sure beats the one room apartment we had in the Bronx."

The four fireplaces will be employed to heat the apartment, bake bread and cook food. The modern kitchen will be torn out, but the atrium breakfast nook will be used as an eating area.

The spacious living room will serve as a communal area, general arts and crafts center, and for bicycle storage. There has been no decision on how to use the valet underground parking space.

The wrap around terrace will be employed to raise all the needed vegetables, e.g. corn, tomatoes and beans, to collect rainwater in barrels and graze the livestock. A windmill will be mounted on the roof for electricity generation.

The three large walk in closets will be employed for clothing, tools and equipment storage including converting the shirt drawers to vegetable storage bins/crispers.

The smaller of the two bedrooms will accommodate people. A winding staircase descends to the 11th floor and the master bedroom, where the livestock, e.g. cows, goats and chickens will be kept to produce fresh eggs, milk and cheese to go with the vegetables. A pig will be employed for garbage disposal. An unanswered question is will the livestock walk down stairs?

The three bathrooms will be used for what people use bathrooms for, except the bidet will be employed for watering the livestock. A compost heap for fertilizer generation will be collocated here, providing added paid employment for the valet or the doorman.

If the city farm idea works out, the group plans to buy the rest of the building and rename it Gotham "Green Acres" after the 1965 TV show.

Madoff's former neighbors could not be reached for comment! But a lot of immaculately dressed individuals, who look like lawyers for the Condo Owners Association, were seen going in and out of the premises.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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