Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: Bill Clinton, Shark

Saturday, 24 July 2004

image for Democratic National Convention Chooses Clinton in Shady Deal!
Former President Bill Clinton and his cousin Tony Clinton

BOSTON (AP) Just days before the start of the Democratic National Convention, former President Bill Clinton pulled off a back-room deal that has the whole town buzzing. It has long been known that Bill Clinton can twist arms like a loan shark on payday--but the deal he made with Democratic Party bosses in a smoke-filled room last Tuesday night will go down in the history books! Print reporters from all over the city are still trying to find out all the details of the deal and who all the people were that gave it the OK.

A reporter for The Spoof has learned that the entire food concession contract for the Democrat's Convention will go to Tony Clinton--the former President's cousin! Bill Clinton arranged the contract, estimated to be worth upwards of $250,000. Many people are hinting that the contract was some sort of payoff for keeping Hillary Clinton from making any serious political waves during the convention.

Former President Clinton described his cousin Tony as "a giant in food service" but several industry insiders insist that Tony Clinton has never operated anything larger than the hot dog stand he started after dropping out of high school.

Tony Clinton's food service business in Arkansas.

When word of the deal started to spread among the Democrats arriving in town for the convention, there were many harsh words. Howard Dean said, "Hot dogs make my stomach excitable!"

Al Sharpton said, "What? No soul food?"

Joe Lieberman said, "As long as they're Hebrew National hot dogs, it will be fine with me!"

John Kerry said, "I met with Tony Clinton yesterday and he promised me that he will using only Heinz ketchup, mustard and relish on all of the hot dogs sold at the convention. I want everyone to know that Teresa and I eat hot dogs for at least five meals every week so that we can remain in touch with what ordinary Americans have to eat due to President George W. Bush's disastrous economic policies."

Executives at Marriott Corporation could not explain why they were not even given a chance to bid on the food concession contract this time around. Rumors circulated that it might have had something to do with large contributions made to the Republican National Committee.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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