New York, NY - Plans are underway to provide sustenance for models to combat the hectic demands of Fashion Week, slated for September 10 - 17. Designers will place inverted-style hummingbird feeders backstage of the runway shows, where models can gather and sip the contents.
Four flavors of sugar water will be available at each brightly colored station: nicotine, cocaine, vodka and non-fat latté. "Lick the Sugar" signs will be posted "all over" to encourage the models, said Coco Ralph Laurent, a spokesperson for New York Fashion Week management.
"We want the models' attention," said Laurent, "so the signs and the feeders are FIERCE!"
Laurent, whose gender was not immediately discernible, went on to say that protein snacks will be provided as well. There will be jewel-toned martini glasses strategically placed around the make-up mirrors and hair stations. The glasses will hold spiders and other soft-bodied insects, which models require for protein and other nutrients. "We're scrupulously frisking the models for contraband food items at all the entrances, and security guards will be posted at Kraft Services to keep them away from there."
An event organizer, who spoke on condition of anonymity, added: "There were too many problems. Models were showing up one to one-and-a-half ounces heavier, and fitters had to rip out seams and frantically sew them into the couture at the last minute! Plus, all those non-fat latté cups - it was so sloppy and just not GREEN!"
Attempts to introduce the concept at Paris Fashion Week have proved futile. Joey Jones, Communications Attaché for Fédération Française de la Couture, explained: "French women don't get fat."