Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 9 September 2009

image for Grandma Lee, 75, Agrees To Be Adam Lambert's Opening Act
This is the front cover of Adam Lambert's first album entitled, "The Original Stimulus Package."

SAN DIEGO - Adam Lambert has confirmed that America's Got Talent's comedian Grandma Lee has in fact been signed to be the opening act in his upcoming 'Lambert Loose on The Land of Music Tour.'

The 75-year-old Jacksonville granny makes no secret about the fact that she finds Lambert to be one award-winning stud muffin. She grins and says that if she were 50 years younger she would be all over him like hot butter on cornbread.

Grandma Lee confided to AGT judge Sharon Osbourne that she has been fantasizing about going out on a date with Lambert. Osbourne asked her where they would go.

The Florida grandmother said that it would definitely have to be a restaurant that serves soft food, since she ain't got no teeth to speak of.

Osbourne asked her what she likes to drink. Grandma Lee replied that it didn't really matter just as long as it was wet.

She did confess that lately she has been drinking a glass of prune juice and Jack right before she goes to sleep. She says that it's great except for the fact that she has to remember to set the alarm at 2 a.m. to make sure she gets up to go the bathroom.

When asked what her goal is she quickly replies that it's to make sure that she gets up each morning when the alarm clock goes off at 2 a.m.

She says that after she pees she does go back to sleep and most of the time either dreams about Piers Morgan, Adam Lambert, or Rush Limbaugh.

Grandma Lee, who is a lifelong Democrat smiles and says that if Limbaugh ever went out with her, she would make him so darn happy that he would change his political affiliation.

SIDENOTE: Grandma Lee says that Virgin Records will be recording her comedy act along with some of Adam Lambert's songs and they will be put out on a CD entitled, Honky & Hunky. Grandma Lee is quick to point out that she is Honky.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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