Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 23 July 2004

image for Osama bounty-hunters hired by Riggs CEO

Washington DC (Rioters) - A beleagured President Bush Junior has ordered a White House news blackout on stories circulating in the media this week that his uncle Jonathan Bush, chief executive of the notorious Riggs Bank, is embroiled in further controversy regarding the hiring of vigilantes to scour Kabul for Osama Bin Laden in an effort to win the $25 million bounty offered by the Pentagon.

Sources close to the President's official bagman - ousted Ambassador to the UK William Stamps Farish III - claimed yesterday that in order to finance payment of the $25 million fine imposed last month on Riggs Bank for fraud, money laundering and helping General Pinochet hide his Enron consultancy fees, Jonathan Bush hired vigilantes and freelance terrorists to find, capture, imprison and torture Osama and/or his lookalikes. The story has been widely reported in the US press amid growing disbelief about military tactics in the Afghanistan region.

However, the plot went horribly wrong and resulted in Idema, Bennett and their accomplices being busted by the US Military in Kabul, despite their attorneys' plea bargain statements that their clients carried a letter of personal recommendation from ex-CIA head George Tenet.

During intensive questioning in Kabul this week it emerged that the idea was first germinated by the Opus Dei organisation which has just bought the troubled Riggs Bank for a reported $1 billion.

Biblical scholars may well comment that the name Jonathan means "gift of God" in Hebrew, which would mean an uncanny triple whammy for the three generations of Bushmen all bearing that first name. For the Opus Dei organisation this could well be the celestial omen they have been prophesying about since October 2001 when the official Enron logo at the company's Texas headquarters was seen to be weeping tears of blood and Brent Marker Crude high-grade oil following the company's $100 billion collapse.

More news is expected at the weekend.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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