This has been a rough two weeks for Senator Kerry. After a disastrous attempt to build relations with Latinos resulting in the Kerry Latino riot in LA when Senator Kerry accidentally flashed gang signals in a Latino club after lip-syncing "The Lonely Bull" on the trumpet, Kerry was issued a restraining order by Judge Lance Ito barring Kerry from appearing in Latino clubs. Kerry followed up with an attempt to build relations with the African American community. This resulted in a mass walk out on Senator Kerry lead by Jesse Jackson following Kerry's lip-syncing while performing with the choir at the famous AME Church in LA. Jackson announced he is switching his support to candidate Ralph Nader. A visible upset Senator Kerry lurched into the audience injuring members of the congregation further compromising his relations with this key constituency.
Seeking a positive response somewhere, Kerry then met with the Director of the Clowns for Kerry and a long time friend, Willard Frankenmeyer, to discuss cabinet and ambassador positions for Frankenmeyer. Unfortunately it was announced that Frankenmeyer had just been indicted as an accessory in the Michael Jackson child molestation case where he had been employed for some time. An embarrassed Kerry was forced to cancel Frankenmeyer's speech at the Democratic Convention. He did say he would still consider him for Ambassador to France. A subsequent rally of Clowns for Kerry deteriorated into a pie fight without electing a replacement Director.
More recently, Senator Kerry was photographed practicing his impersonation of a Frenchman in preparation to meet with another minority community he hopes to import from Canada to register and vote democratic in the U.S. Presidential election. French Canadians, still loyal to France, have been urged by French President Jacques Chirac to cross the border and participate in the defeat of President Bush in the coming election.
U.S. spy satellites have reported that French Canadians are massing at the US/Canadian border in preparation for a clandestine voter registration operation in northern counties of New York, Ohio and Michigan. Hundreds of small boats can be seen in satellite photos hidden under piles of brush and cut tree limbs along the Canadian sores of Lake Ontario, Lake Erie and Lake Huron.
Senator Clinton of NY and former President Clinton have been meeting secretly with French Canadian agents to plan the operational details. Secretary Tom Ridge, Head of Homeland Security, announced plans to mount a counter offensive, code-named "Ethan Allen", to block the illegal voter registration operation. The U.S. Navy is moving 4 nuclear powered submarines into the Great Lakes to intercept and destroy the small boats.