Washington, DC - Secret Service agents thought perhaps the noises they heard emanating from behind the walls of the White House were perhaps one of the fabled White House ghosts. Agent Richard Millhouse swore he heard the ghost of Abraham Lincoln exclaim one late night, "Damn, if I knew this was going to happen I would have never signed that Emancipation Proclamation," he said. "Funny thing was, after that I thought I heard giggling and laughing"
Agent Angela Lessball never believed the ghost stories told by her fellow agents. "I just chalked it up to the old guys trying to scare the new girl on the block. But still, when no one was around I would hear the creaking of the floor boards. It was kind of spooky"
Secret Service Agent Randall Iam finally decided to investigate. He put sensors on the walls and recorded the strange sounds. "What we discovered after three days was that someone was definitely moving around behind the walls. Then we pulled out the old blueprints from the 1950's restoration. And sure enough, there were secret doors and entrances we didn't know about."
This past Saturday night agents entered the labyrinth and after several hours cornered the culprit behind the pantry in the downstairs kitchen. "Imagine our complete surprise," said Agent Iam, "to discover the culprit, who was covered in cobwebs and rat shit by the way, was former President George Bush."
"He he," said George Bush laughing . "I kinda spooked you guys didn't I? Kinda got you wondering what was happening there didn't I? Did you like that Proclamation thing. He, he," said the former President.
"I bet you didn't know that you could take these passages and tunnels all the way down to the Washington Monument. That's how I used to get away from Laura and the girls when they started that girl talking stuff, " said the former President. "God, that was harder to listen to than Cheney and Rove on acid like in the old days.
"Don't tell Obama, OK, Randall" said Bush, "he don't need to know. Let's let this little incident be between just you and me, OK. Besides, if it wasn't for that damned two terms limit bullshit I'd still be president. And you never know Randall, I got plans, I might be back one day. So don't say nothing to Obama, OK."