SAN DIEGO, CA - National Football linebacker Shawne Merrihands was arrested early Sunday for allegedly choking his chicken in front of reality show star Lola McCola, police said.
Authorities responded to a call at about 3:45 a.m. Sunday from a woman who indicated she had never in her life had so much tequila ever before, and that she had just witnessed a big man strangling a much smaller man, as well as administering corporal punishment to a primate.
Deputies didn't see any physical evidence of masturbation, but the tequila-infused celebrity was taken to a local hospital to have her stomach pumped, a sheriff's spokesman said.
Merrihands was arrested for conduct "totally unsuitable for an American football player," they said.
He was released from jail late Sunday morning, though it is not known if he ever released for McCola, as no physical evidence was found.
McCola starred on the reality shows "A Shot of Love in your Lola McCola" in 2007 and "A Shot of Love 2 With Lola McCola" in 2008.
She dropped a Twitturd about going to meet Merrihands on Saturday, and mentioned a terrible hangover, but seemed to have forgotten about the penis now dubbed the "San Diego charger."
Though Merrihands recorded at least 10 sacks in each of his first three seasons, he has yet to bag a reality TV star.