POINT BARROW, Alaska (ABSNN) - Former Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin, filed a law suit in the Pt. Barrow Federal Courthouse that charges "severe emotional distress" caused by John McCain's campaign staff that spent nearly $100,000.00 on slinky clothing for the vice presidential candidate, but neglected to pay for a penis so that she "could play with the big boys."
"All the bad press I got for the clothing McCain's people purchased for me could have been avoided had they only purchased a respectable sized penis for me," said a tearful Sarah Palin through her Native American attorney, Icannotkeep Astraightface.
"Had they just had the foreskin, uh, foresight to buy her a penis, she could have fist fought with those cheeky members of the press who crowded up to the edges of the platforms where she spoke so they could look up her dresses." said Astraightface.
McCain was too busy attempting to broker a Senate compromise over Obama's health care reform package to appear in Alaska to personally answer the charges, but told TheSpoof.com "Nothing is worse than a pissed off woman without a penis to beat on. It cannot help that she's married to that dickless wonder."
Palin has also filed for vocational rehabilitation under the American Women without Penises Act, pushed through congress by California Senator Dianne Feinstein.