Antioch, Ca - (Reuterus): Police are probing reports that a Vatican satanic network which bankrolled Ronnie Raygun's Calfornia gubernatorial campaign also shielded monster Philip Garrido.
"Jaycee Dugard's abductor is shaping up to be Pope Joe Ratzinger's other son," UCLA Emeritius Professor of Parasitology Dr V Smart told reporters, "just like Waco sibling Warren Jeffs."
American Diabolical Libertines Union sex cult experts have dubbed Garrido, 69, California's globus cruciger - a Latin term originally describing the United Kingdon Sovereign's Orb - following a prison medical exam of his family jewels.
Some reports have described weird Merovignian Dynasty hieroglyphics tattoed on his scrotum along with the name 'Nancy'.
Jaycee Dugard is 29.