Crap Watchers, the new diet craze of the stars is now being offered to everyone over the counter and close to the bathroom of all major drugstores.
Once, only Kirsty Alley or Britney or Kirsty Alley again could use this amazing product to lose the weight in a hurry but now you'll be in a hurry too, unless you enjoy cleaning up after yourself, right across the carpet.
Of course, many say that an accident can actually help you lose the weight faster. After seeing what just came out of you, you're not inclined to put anything else into that abused body unless its clean clear water and a heaping, healthy spoonful dose of "Crap Watchers" Asstrohusks.
Asstrohusks contain genuine recycled astronaut urine with psyllium husks and a secret old mountain recipe called "snakebite medicine". Just down several and you'll be on your way, in a hurry.
We heartily recommend that you take the spoonful with a full glass of water while sitting on the commode.
Even better, rent a portable commode and place it by your bedside.
Be sure to also order a bottle of Crap Watchers Multi-Vitaminerals and take the label recommended dose of 24 a day.
Emerald Lagassy says the following, as he answers our call right now live. "Hello? Is this Emerald?"
"Sppppzzzzzt! Yeah, although, sppppzzzztt I may change it to Hemorrhoid Lagassy after this last ten pounds have sppppzzzzzttttt! come off."
"How much have you lost, Emerald?"
"Sppppppppzzzzzzzzttttttt! spsttttt! Spppzzzzzztttttt!"
"Lots of um static on the thing there. Must be in a dead area."
"Smells SSSSSppppppzzzzzttttt! like it too!"
"There you have it! Right from the horse's uh mouth. Ask your druggist today for Crap Watchers!"