NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - A stunned United Nations listened silently as US President Barack Obama told a Peace Convention Saturday that the US Defense Intelligence Agency had intercepted over thirty coded cables from British Prime Minister Gordon Brown that promise yet another invasion of the "Colonies" some time this autumn.
"It is difficult for us to believe that our foremost ally in the world, the United Kingdom, the Mother Country of this nation, would stoop so low as to invade our sovereign territory and attempt to take us under their yoke again," said a much shaken Obama.
The intercepts were played before the entire UN Delegation, each country hearing the words in their own language through interpreters. Two words every country immediately understood were the words "Cock Fight."
However, the interpretation of an actual cockfight had many delegates confused.
"Does PM Brown mean to cockfight with Obama? Is he nuts? Everyone knows bro's have huge cocks," said Spanish Ambassador Dong Wong.
"Will they fight chickens?" asked the dead Welsh Poet Dylan Thomas.
Queen Elizabeth II broke her silence Saturday to state how proud she was of her hand-picked Royal Guards.
"Each of my soldiers is most well endowed for the fight at hand," she said, "With the possible exception of Charles the Short Leg."
President Barack Obama held a news conference at 30 Rockefeller Plaza in the NBC studios where he told members of the press that there would be no retreat from the Bloody British, "not this time, and never again."
"We've whupped their tweedy bird arses all over this continent too many times to count. And when the cock dust clears, we will own Canada from now on-except for Québec-no one wants Québec."
The world-wide media giant, theSpoof.com has hundreds of writers from both sides of the Atlantic. Mark Lowton, CEO and Executive Editor of TheSpoof.com, asked his staffs on both sides of the issue not to take up sides; but his British Writers, led by Skoob1999, who just received a penis implant, said he "was roaring to get a go at the Yank, Frank with me crank!"
Mrs. Skoob appealed to him to be a noncombatant in the upcoming struggle. "You haven't even tested for your learner's permit on The New Love Boat," she cried.
More news on this unsettling situation as it becomes available. Please see the UK headlines section for fair and balanced reporting on this issue of no importance.