Written by Rebut
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Topics: Michael Moore, Virus

Wednesday, 21 July 2004

Michael Moore Virus is far and away the most virulent predator I have ever come accross and that's a fat. Fruity yet bold with just a hint of hard drive meltdown but unlike wine don't gargle and spit, rather put a gargoyle next to your computer then split.

When it hit my computer yesterday afternoon, I hit the anti-virals. These were the same anti-virals which had nuked the "Uknown Rumsfeld Virus" with ease. For those who can't recall it, it's the one which takes over your emails and tells you that the recipient is 'known' or 'unknown' but never sends anything unless it's to Iraq in which case it sends everything.

But I digress, the anti-virals were clearly losing this one. There were small but significant clues : An unordered Michael Moore screensaver, two free tickets for "It's not a documentary it's polemic" and pictures of his Cannes trophy sculpted in potato salad.

The harder I tried to boot the virus the worse it got. I even tried using the anti-viral which booted "Pimp II", the one which leaves a crack in your hard drive - then bills you for it. There's a hole in my pocket dear Liza, dear Liza.....

So I tried to "shut down" but MMV was having none of it. It kept rebooting itself and unless I was very much mistaken the computer was starting to swell up. The fat of the matter is I was up shitcreek without a paddle.

In desperation I pulled the plug out of the wall. It was the only thing that stopped it. Exhausted I went to lie down.

At 2am I felt a tap on the shoulder. It was the frigging hard drive looking for salad dressing for a sandwich. Son-of-a-bitch had put on at least 2 kgs.

I tried reasoning with it : "Look at yourself in the mirror!! What do you think Mr and Mrs Pentium would say if they could see you right now?!"

Called in the ISP guy to do some sort of hostage negotiation. Worth every penny : He downloaded the "Atkins Diet" and the virulent little fellow has been locked in the toilet ever since.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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