Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 2 September 2009

image for "Kentucky" Kevn Skinner Makes Piers Morgan Cry!
Kevin Skinner's guitar which he purchased from the sale of 45 chickens.

HOLLYWOOD - One of the toughest males in show business, Piers Morgan was reduced to tears on the latest edition of America's Got Talent.

Morgan, who is in the same league as fellow Englishmen Simon Cowell, when it comes to being downright mean, categorically cruel, and nefariously nasty turned into a male version of Tatiana Del Toro.

Morgan did not have a handkerchief so he just wiped his tears off on Sharon Osbourne's right sleeve. She pushed him away and told him to act like a man and to stop acting like that grown up cabbage patch kid Richard Simmons.

David Hasseloff stood up, went in front of Piers and took four photographs with his cell phone camera before two America's Got Talent security guards escorted him back to his seat.

Kevin Skinner sang the Willie Nelson classic "You Were Always On My Mind." He dedicated it to Sarah Palin, who he said was his brand new 'Soul Mate' and big game huntin' partner.

Skinner said that he was a dyed-in-the-wool Democrat but when it comes to huntin' and killin' big game such as moose, caribou, elk, and reindeer those critters don't know the difference between a Democratic bullet or a Republican bullet.

Kevin sported his brand new 'combed to the front' look. He said that he saw it on that skinny little twerpy-looking fella that comes out on Gilligan's Island.

The man from Kentucky was asked how he liked being in California. He said that aside from the earthquakes, the smog, the wildfires, the mudslides, the traffic, and the General Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana winds it's kinda like gettin' ones wisdom teeth pulled with a rusty paper clip.

Piers asked him how his girlfriend Wanda Sue was doing back in Mayfield, Kentucky. He replied that he had talked to her before the show and that she told him that she had just finished rotating the crops, churning some butter, and de-nutting three pigs, two goats, a horse, and a squirrel.

Morgan asked "a squirrel?"

And Kevin smiled and said that de-nutting pigs, goats, and horses for Wanda Sue ain't nothing and that every now and then she likes the challenge of cutting off the nads (onions) of some little bitty critter like a squirrel, a gopher, or a scorpion.

David shook his head and said that, that was just simply 'hoff-full.'

Sharon stood up and ran towards the little girls room holding her mouth.

And the man from Britain, Piers Morgan smiled from ear-to-ear and quipped, "Wanda Sue...now that's my girl!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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