Washington DC - The elephant and donkey communities are breathing a collective sigh of relief. No longer will their likenesses be associated with either of the major US political parties. Republicans and Democrats announced today they are changing party symbols.
Republicans first became associated with elephants during the 1860's. The Democrats and donkeys became bedfellows a decade later. Political strategist Alan Weston said, "when you think of an elephant you probably imagine something smart or friendly. When you think of a donkey you think tough and dependable. The parties now realize these symbols are in no way representative."
Weston explains Republicans are divided into two camps: crotchety old white men and douche bags. Democrats consist mostly of hippies and cry babies. "Any new symbol must say something about the people in these parties, about what they believe in."
Weston suggests the Republicans could use a cross to depict their irrational religious fundamentalism. He also suggested a red white and blue gun shaped like a cross would speak to Republicans fervent belief in the second amendment, Jesus and American supremacy. For the Democrats "maybe a baby with a knife in its head, because you know they love to kill children. If that doesn't work then maybe a burning American flag to show how liberals hate freedom and democracy."