An entire Booger County family was seemingly swallowed up by a giant 30-foot African Mubutu snake that somehow entered their home in Boogerville by way of a dryer vent. Neighbors called police after the family failed to take in their newspaper, The Boogertown Banner, for over a week.
"We are not sure exactly what happened or how many of the elderly Sammy Roy Keats family the snake ate. But it looks like they were swallowed whole, walkers, wheelchairs, crutches and all", stated Sheriff Deputy Goodrow Giddy.
"We're going to take the snake back to the station as soon as the rescue squad gets here and squeeze it to see just how many of the Keats family pop out", Police Chief, B. Lee Bob told The Boogertown Banner.
"The snake was easy to catch because it was so full of Keats that it could hardly move. It seemed to be a little sick to its stomach when we attempted to put it unto the wrecker bed but gave up as it was too heavy."
"About five minutes ago it belched a few times and it looked a little better. The snake probably belongs to some neighborhood nut-job who thought 'What a nice pet. Bet nobody else in Booger County got a 30-foot African Mubutu snake.' Nice pets don't normally eat the neighbors".
Dr. Roscoe Nsamba, a Booger County veterinarian and expert in exotic African Mubutu snakes, was consulted regarding the snake's origin.
"This snake is from central Africa. These migratory snakes travel in packs and have been known to eat entire villages. It's illegal to own one in the United States. Now there's a 40-foot Congo Cobra over at Booger Ridge in North Booger County owned by a Rollie Baily, but he's an old pussycat."
"So how this one got here is a mystery to me", Dr. Nsamba explained.