Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Rihanna, Chris Brown

Monday, 31 August 2009

image for Chris Brown Says He Loves Rihanna More Than Food
The Los Angeles County jail cell that Chris Brown is extremely lucky his ass won't be occupying.

LOS ANGELES - Christopher Maurice "Chris" Brown has confided to his dentist, Dr. Lanny Wigglewinkle that even after all that he has been put through he still loves Rihanna; even more than food.

Dr. Wigglewinkle said that Brown told him that now that he has been granted probation that he hopes to somehow be able to find it in his heart to forgive the maniacal media for the feeding frenzy that they put him through six months ago when he accidentally hit his girlfriend two or five times.

Although Brown no longer insists that it was simply a matter of Rihanna tripping on her six inch imported Italian stiletto heels, he does stand by his story that he was merely trying to swat a bumblebee away from her face.

He said that the bumblebee had already stung him twice and he did not want the son-of-a-bitch bee to sting his fantastically gorgeous-looking girlfriend and so yes he did in fact accidentally hit her two or five times.

Brown said that when he took the official police lie-detector test it did detect that he was lying, but he points out that, that was only because he was very nervous and his palms were sweating a lot thus they gave off a false reading.

The R&B hip hop singer noted that everyone who knows him knows that when he lies his eyes get all watery and he has to dab them with a Kleenex. He said that at the police station that night, his eyes were as dry as the Mojave Desert.

Chris still professes his unwavering devotion to and love for Rihanna. He even told his dentist that he wants for Rihanna to have his baby. When Dr. Wigglewinkle's receptionist called Rihanna and told her she replied that she did not even want to have "Temper Boy's" email address much less his baby.

Brown insists that Rihanna will come around soon. When told of that remark Rihanna laughed and said that Amy Winehouse will be win The Miss England Beauty Pageant before that happens.

SIDENOTE: Chris Brown has stated that he will be donating all the royalties from his hit songs "Run It," "Kiss Kiss," and "Take That Beeach" to The Rihanna Barbados Bamboo Hut For Abused, Battered, and Beat Up Women of Color."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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