Little Cock, Arkansas - (Reuterus): A lifetime restraining order barred Chelsea Clinton from Saturday's Ted Kennedy funeral where her birth mother Virginia Joan Bennett Kennedy sat propped up by several bottle emptyings of her favorite Rattlesnake Vodka liquor.
Chelsea and Joan have been on serious catfight terms for the last 20 years after a badly executed mother-child bonding session went excruciatingly wrong.
FBI sources have always suspected Arkansas Governor Bill Clinton of killing both Hillary Rodham and her only child and substituting the fruit of his adulterous Kennedy relationship.
He even paid Rose Law Firm attorney Vince Foster one million dollars of General Pinochet's stolen $$$s to 'borrow' his Hillary-lookalike wife Susan and cover up the traces.
Foster died in tragic circumstances in an Arkansas parking lot.
Police said the two bullets lodged inside his brain showed the clearest signs of premeditated suicide.