The Board of Health in Maggoty, Arkansas report the very first case of Chicken Nugget Flu ever as far as records are concerned.
"It apparently mutated between Swine Flu and Chicken Flu", stated one state health official.
Maggoty, which has 127 chicken houses which hold over ten million chickens for several different chicken brands and restaurants was the perfect place for this mutation as, after 15 years, some of their chicken chasers have developed spurs on the back of their feet.
U.S. Health officials say they may have to place the whole town of Maggoty in quarantine until they see how this affects people.
"Already the first person, a white male, has become impotant as his nuggets were the first thing that went bad. They are now six inches long and the eight inches in circumference. Of course, we had to put him under sedation during the measuring. One burst right in my assistant's face and now she's isolated too."
"Wonder how it will affect her?"
Meanwhile, George "Chicken Head' Mulligan, the first victim, suddenly sat up straight up in bed and crowed, flapped his arms as the other ball blew.
From Martha's Vineyard, the President demanded that they isolate Maggoty immediately as this is not only a threat top men everywhere who love their balls.
"If they all explode, we may be wiped out as the human race."
Meanwhile the leading health authority on the spot stated that his assistant may be the first woman to have the disease as her boobs have gotten huge in the past hour and a half.