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Monday, 19 July 2004

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Revlon confirmed today that they would be recalling all of their products with immediate effect. A spokeswoman, pictured here pointing at Britney Spears before the singer was reluctantly allowed a mirror, confirmed that the company would reimburse all consumers in full.

Lawyers for Ms Spears said that they had rejected with contempt Revlon's multi-million dollar offers to launch "Blue Bayou" and "Bearded by Britney".

Ms Spears speaking candidly to Larry King at CNN said that Revlon could "makeover themselves and the horse they rode in on".

Revlon are understood to be considering their position in light thereof. Revlon technical director John Purdie, said that they were working frantically to reverse the effects of 'Borehole by Lantheric".

"We know we will get to the bottom of this and solve it but best guestimates are that it will not be during our lifetime. Larry Appleman whose in charge of production, told me earlier that they hadn't stuck strictly to the directions given to them by Lantheric."

Asked if this wouldn't make it easier to trace the offending ingredient/s, Purdie confirmed that it would have had they written them down. The problem was that the first batch ate right through a 3 inch wooden cask so they abandoned it.

He did however inform us proudly, that as an envoirenmently aware company and having seen the result of their first batch, they stored it with nuclear waste rather than just abandoning it.

"What we didn't realise", continued Purdie "was that a whole mess of it was all over the factory, be it in liquid or gaseous form. So we were forced to choose between abandoning millions and millions of dollars worth of product or keeping shtum. I was the only abstention on the panel that voted".

When asked whether the damage they had done to Ms Spears occasioned the recall Purdie was unsure. "Well in a way I guess...but the sight of all those dead factory workers didn't help either!! Lordie Lord, I don't have enough workers to bury the dead ones, they're dropping like flies...and speaking of flies ....you might want to give our plant a miss for a few days.."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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