Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 27 August 2009

image for John F. Kennedy Airport To Be Renamed Teddy Kennedy Airport
Senator Ted Kennedy who once told Fidel Castro to his face to take his Cuban cigars and stick them up his Gitmo Bay.

NEW YORK CITY - The New York City council has voted to change the name of John F. Kennedy International Airport to Teddy Kennedy International Airport.

Councilwoman Chloe Tarantella said that originally the council wanted to rename it The John and Ted International Airport but some felt that people would confuse John and Ted with John Travolta and Ted Danson.

Councilman Norlan Hazelhurst wanted to simply rename the airport Teddy International to save on sign lettering, but Councilwoman Tarantella said that she felt that a lot of women would confuse it either with Victoria's Secret Airport in Oxnard, California or with Lingerie Airport in Lake Tahoe, Nevada.

Meanwhile ESPN is reporting that Boston Celtics owner Walkey Goosebark is considering changing the name of his team from Celtics to Kennedys in a tribute to Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy whom he was very good friends with.

Coach Rivers communicated to Mr. Goosebark that two of his players Ray Allen and Rasheed Wallace had conveyed to him the fact that they did not want the Celtics name to be changed to Kennedy.

Goosebark immediately instructed Coach Rivers to see about making arrangements to trade both troublemakers Allen and Wallace.

When Wallace was told that Coach Rivers was going to trade him because he did not like the name change, Wallace suddenly said that on second thought the name Boston Kennedy's had a real nice Irish ring to it.

Ray Allen said that he liked Mr. Goosebark's decision so much that he had decided to name his baby due in November Ted Kennedy Allen if it's a boy or LaTeddy Kennisha Allen if it's a girl.

Other name changes that are being proposed around the nation as a tribute to the Massachusetts senator include a proposal in South Dakota to remove Thomas Jefferson's likeness from Mount Rushmore and replace it with Senator Ted Kennedy's likeness.

In Arizona there are petitions that already contain 904,893 signatures that are circulating throughout the state's hundreds of Wal-Marts to change the name of the Grand Canyon to The Grand Kennedy Canyon.

And down in the Lone Star State of Texas, the caretakers of the Alamo, The Great, Great Granddaughters of El Alamo (TGGGEA) are considering changing the name of the Alamo to Tedmo.

A few of the older white, blue-haired, redneck members namely 103-year-old Daisy Boo "Khaki Girdle" Ticketwater and 98-year-old Dondrea "Denture Dondy" Peckersteen did not like the idea one bit.

But TGGGEA Vice-President Trixibelle Lemonroot. 78 going on 79, said that Daisy Boo and Dondrea are already so old that nobody really even bothers to listen to them much anymore, much less pay attention to them; unless of course they're choking or something.

This move however has managed to lasso the complete support of the Spanish-Speaking network Telemundo as well as Taco Bell; comedian George Lopez; the Laredo Junior Chamber of Commerce; the San Antonio law firm of Pescadero, Tuxtepec, Bocalarga, and La Vibora; the distributors of Corona Beer; and the beautifully svelte and permanently suntanned Eva Longoria-Parker.

SIDENOTE: The school board of Kennedy High School in San Antonio, Texas has announced that it will be changing its name from John F. Kennedy High School to Edward M. Kennedy High School. The school principal Ryan H. Coffeecake said that it will work out great because they will not have to change the names on the football, baseball, and basketball uniforms, the PE shorts, the mascot's costume, or the cafeteria trays.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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