Chappaquiddick MA-- Senator Teddie Kennedy was indicted today for the murder of Mary Jo Kopechne in 1969. Mr. Kennedy was served with an arrest warrant for the grisly murder at his bedside early this morning. Senator Kennedy was so shocked by the news, he dropped dead!
Sheriff Joe Kopechne was given credit for the arrest. The sheriff has worked tirelessly over the last ten years gathering evidence and interviewing witnesses of the horrific murder. He is also the nephew of Mary Jo Kopechne. The sheriff had evidence his aunt was pregnant the night Teddie Kennedy slowly tortured her to death in his car.
Most of the Kennedy Clan was too drunk at this time to offer a statement. Caroline Kennedy did attempt to say something before she also collapsed:
"It's, I don't know, just so..., you know. And like it's so sad, because, you know, he died with handcuffs on." she stuttered.
No funeral is planned. The body will simply be tossed into the Chappaquiddick Canal.