Written by Patrick Ryan
Print this
Topics: Drugs, Cannabis

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

image for Butane Prices Set to Skyrocket -- Stoners on Alert

A "Rolling Stone" article a few weeks ago exposed an international banking house, Goldman Sachs, and how they engineered the last dozen financial bubbles in the U.S., such as the Internet Bubble in 2000, the Housing Bubble in 2007, and last summer's gas price bubble, which earned them a mint, by the way.

There was no gas shortage last summer, so how did prices get so high?

By speculation alone.

It is said that each barrel of oil before it became gasoline was traded 27 times, all perpetuated by Goldman Sachs.

This summer, there is a rumor that the company plans on cornering the market on butane, which will cause alarm in the stoner community, but hardly anywhere else. Goldman needs to corner another market to survive, so they intend on doing a "soft corner" (such as against butane), but because they are so high profile right now, they must be careful how they stage it.

They are hedging that there will be a spike in stoners as states decriminalize marijuana in the coming years, thus a higher demand for butane. They see all 50 states decriminalizing marijuana one day, so they are well aware of what the stakes are. They are betting demand for butane skyrockets as millions of new people, potentially, have the opportunity to light up.

The future? As butane levels get low in households across America, there will undoubtedly be a drive to get people back to the basics, like going back to match sticks, but too many people got their fingers burned last time. Any such efforts could backfire.

Make Patrick Ryan's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 2?

1 23 13 4
44 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more